she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
