worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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