I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I just sharted jello shots
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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