Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
