i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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