this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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