I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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