Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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