1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
