she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
