Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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