Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
