In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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