New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
