i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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