Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were trust falling into bushes
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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