Will you blow on my dice?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think I just sharted jello shots
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
