I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
