what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
