i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize