Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
