I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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