oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize