when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
