Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
