i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
