You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
