i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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