Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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