and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
