I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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