I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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