My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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