Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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