he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I just sharted jello shots
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