dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
