I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
