I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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