you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
