oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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