Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
