Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
