Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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