I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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