I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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