There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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