It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
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