no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize