Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
