They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
