I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize