Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
