And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
