I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
