I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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