I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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