Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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