I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize