oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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