I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
