Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
