Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
