I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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