Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
