At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Are my feet made of real feet?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
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