Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
