Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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