That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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