3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
