How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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