I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
