our cab driver is having phone sex.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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