i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
MIDGETS
????
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
