Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
