how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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