Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
