you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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