I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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