She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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