walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
