things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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