Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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