I murdered the dance floor call the cops
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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