theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
