brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
