My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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