we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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