I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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