What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
