Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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