Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
