WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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