It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
