the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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