i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
