you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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