omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
