i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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