"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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