after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
