cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
