My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
