Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
