theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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