i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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