I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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