my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
