I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
