sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
